Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
