She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
