guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
