i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize