I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
