Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
