You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
