I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
