i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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