Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
