Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
