i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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