Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
