Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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