My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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