On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I am available for nakedness
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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