You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
