I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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