Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
