I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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