It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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