C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
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