so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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