I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
