No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Someone signed my nipple.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
