I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
