Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
