omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
