things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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