Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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