You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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