I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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