Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
