somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
