i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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