She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She's the barista slut.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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