He kissed a someone with a penis
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize