you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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