I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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