i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Found the puke drawer
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
