I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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