As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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