The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
