You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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