I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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