your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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