I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
