I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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