I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
