is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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