dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize