Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
