R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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