The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
