At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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