he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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