One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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