in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
