i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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