I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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