i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
