please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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