What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
