I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
