I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize