This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
