I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
