I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
is wine microwaveable?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
