I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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