Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize