Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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