HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
