Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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