I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize