Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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