I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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