Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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