I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
