Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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