i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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