Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is it because I queefed?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
