i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
