is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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