there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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