i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize