Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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