Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
