Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
