Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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