why do cheetos always look like penises
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
