Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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