Barsexuality is the new black.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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