need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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