i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
