kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
