last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The uberlube is also flammable
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize