super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
