Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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