from now on my penis is your penis
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize