So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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