everyone is single if you try hard enough
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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