so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
