Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
