I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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