ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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