brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
