woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
