so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
